Book Review: Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering The Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop

I was familiar with the word lament but had always connected it to an image of someone who was wailing and crying about an insurmountable problem. It often reminded me of the Psalms, with its somewhat flowery and over the top verbiage. When I came across this book by Mark Vroegop, I was introduced to lament in a whole new light. It became the answer to the questions “What do you DO after a loss? What do you DO with the pain? HOW do you acknowledge the pain without letting it consume you?” Surely there has to be some tangible way to express this, without feeling like a zombie in my own body.

Intro to Lament

The author introduces readers to lament as an incredible healing process that you allow yourself to experience. It’s not only for those experiencing major losses but even minor challenges. Pursuing lament is bringing your complaints boldly before God. It is communicating with others about your pain. It is to be in the presence of God and allow the Holy Spirit to infuse healing. “Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust.”

In my own journey of loss, growing up with an Indian upbringing and as a Christian, I was taught to keep my emotions under wraps. This was the way to model a strong faith in the public eye and when my mom died many years ago, a way to show that our family wasn’t falling apart. We’d be just fine, because we knew God and aren’t supposed to mourn like those “who have no hope”. I did the best I could to protect the family name, both culturally and spiritually speaking.

Authenticity

I suppose it worked great, for others (mostly within the Indian Christian community) that I wasn’t an emotional hot mess at the mention of my mom, or during conversations about moms/daughters, marriage, family gatherings, etc. In fact, I learned the art of faking it so well with people, that eventually I was faking it with God too.

My prayer life that used to be wrought with tears and deep questions, even though I wasn’t expecting immediate answers, turned into a drive-thru session with God. Instead of experiencing transformational change in God’s presence, I was in a rush to get through prayer times. I ran away from the opportunity to lament because the thought of doing that had a stigma around it. I was no weak Christian and wasn’t about to bring shame to my family. So for years, I continued to respond to the “How are you doing?” with a plastic smile and “I’m doing ok”.

Lament Makes for a Better Me

However, I slowly discovered that shielding others from my pain did nothing for me. It morphed me into a very inwardly critical person who struggled to find purpose in loss. I found myself constantly holding my breath, waiting for the next crisis to happen. Learning how to lament has given me permission to shift my mindset, breathe and trust again in my good Father. His purposes are beyond my limited scope. I’m able to experience joy in suffering and that’s my hope for each of you.