Cookies and Milk

I have many early childhood memories of eating Parle-G cookies, the quintessential after-school snack found in almost every Indian pantry. They’re the equivalent of eating Oreo cookies in the U.S.! A little history about the cookie; it was introduced as an Indian alternative to British-branded biscuits in 1947, the same year as India’s independence from Britain.

During my childhood, my Papa was a stay-at-home dad for several years and tasked with picking me and my sister up after school. I couldn’t wait to get home for snack time. The joy of seeing that waxy, yellow packaging emerge from the kitchen was hard to contain. The cookies were usually paired with milk, served in a steel cup and Papa would happily join us, steal 10 cookies, with his cup of coffee. This week marks three years since he passed and we celebrated with sharing his love of Parle-G with our two girls. I saw the joy on their faces while they munched and talked about their “oatmeal appacha” (their nickname for grandpa) without sadness.

Thief Of Joy

Recently, a childhood friend of mine lost her father, who was also a friend of my father. In conversations with her, she asked if the pain of losing a parent ever gets better. I shared with her that eventually, the spaces her father used to fill with visits and phone calls will slowly be taken up by other things and people. When they do, it’s natural to feel guilty but don’t allow that guilt consume you.

In John 10:10, we read, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” This is the hope that Christians have, that sets our grief apart from those that don’t know anything about joy. The thief of joy is very real and can materialize in many shape-shifting forms. Staying close to God’s Word, a community of believers and sometimes identifying professional resources can help manage healthy ways of grieving.

One Cookie At A Time

I wasn’t quick to remind my friend that she has great memories to get her through. Why not? Because pain comes in many forms and in the beginning memories are just that. A source of pain. They can be as simple as a picture, an old email or text, an old voicemail. Sometimes it’s a restaurant, a favorite dessert, a favorite cookie, or the empty seat at church where someone used to sit.

In the early months of loss, all of these were incredibly painful for me. Both my parents used to love eating at Cici’s Pizza when we were younger. For years, I couldn’t even pass by the chain restaurant without bawling! It gets better. I found out I’m able to process memories better when they don’t come as a flood. Instead, I found myself relying on the Holy Spirit to help manage my emotions. I realized the incredible power that comes from praying scripture over my feelings.

Today, if you’re walking through grief, give yourself time and grace. Learn the art of lament. This practice allows memories to become less raw and eventually a reason for you to experience joy again.

If you’re someone who has walked through grief for sometime, I would love to know how you handle memories after a loss. What are some practical solutions to managing emotions?