A passage from Psalms 68:5-6 reminds us that God is “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Psalms 68:5-6

God My Provider

While walking through grief, as heavy a process that it is, there are moments and opportunities to focus on something other than the loss. As the scripture says, “he leads out the prisoners with singing” and this looks different for everyone. For me that meant considering marriage. Stay with me here. I know for many that doesn’t even sound remotely close to freedom, rest or something that will recharge you. You may be thinking of other ways to occupy your time and your mind like volunteer work, mentoring, signing up for community building initiatives or seeking out ways to build up your local church. For me, it was the someone and allowing God’s hand to orchestrate life’s events for my good and for His glory. Before marriage, I would describe myself as a strong introvert and if left to my own ways, I probably could’ve pushed through on my own, BUT GOD in his sovereignty knew that’s not what I needed. I needed family so God could continue the good work he started in me. 

Can It Get Anymore Awkward?

As a first (or 1.5) generation, Indian-American girl and the oldest of two sisters, I was well aware of our cultural nuances and expectations around marriage, including the “appropriate age” to get married. A few years after my mom died, I was hitting 30 and my father had deep concerns that I would not be enthusiastic about it. He knew I was still grieving and not emotionally ready to make such a major commitment. I had intentionally stayed away from building any relationships that could lead to marriage. In the Indian-American culture, if this is the case then you’re probably on some kind of online matchmaking platform (does Shaadi.com still exist?!) or God forbid, your parents pay for ad space in popular Indian newspapers in their “Matrimony” section. If all those options fail, then the unofficial Indian “matchmaking grapevine” tries to come through for you, by word of mouth from friends and family. At the time, the first two options sounded equally horrible to me. I held tightly to my grief and negative thoughts every time someone suggested a match. Eventually, the suggestions became fewer and there was a growing tension within my home. My father couldn’t understand why nothing was working out for me!

The God Who Sees

While I was going through all this internal turmoil, a godly couple, friends of my dad, visited our home in Dallas. They chatted and spent some time in prayer with us before they left. The Lord spoke a prophetic word from the wife to me, using the metaphor of a person who was looking to be rescued from a dangerous situation and blamed God for not sending a solution. God responded with “I sent you a boat, I sent you an airplane and I sent people to rescue you. Each time, you rejected the offer because you didn’t recognize my hand was at work in each solution.” As soon as I heard this message, I knew the Lord was speaking to the most pressing situation of my heart. It was a confirmation that God will provide for me, but not in the way I was expecting, so be careful not to miss out on what He’s doing! What a marvelous God who knows the inner workings of our mind and heart and provides assurance at the right time.

A few months later, through the Indian grapevine, I was introduced to (my now husband) Tonny. At the time, he was living and working in London for a financial services firm. Yep, that’s right, not even in my time zone! The fact that I even considered the idea of marrying someone who was living abroad was evidence of the work that God was doing in me. Eleven years and four countries later, I’m grateful for the work of the Holy Spirit that changed a rebellious heart.